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Why you feel inadequate, less than and what you can do to change it

Updated: Oct 3, 2023

Self-criticism, feeling that you constantly disappoint people, that you are not good enough no matter what you do, feeling of failing, feeling that you are invisible and that you don't matter - if these sound familiar to you, so familiar that anything reminding you of it sets off a triggering response, a defense mechanism, just know this- It doesn't need to be this way, there's a lot you can do to set yourself free.

I'm sharing a simple 3 question exercise to help you dig deeper and to understand how, where, and why you decided to feel this way.

Working with my clients, I very often notice that sometimes our parents unconsciously, from an early age, set us up to think we are a failure, they give us impossible jobs to fulfill that no kid should or is meant to do. Taking care of younger siblings, taking care of parents' needs, expecting us to behave older, expecting us to be anything else but kids, depriving us of connection, and unconditional love our young bodies and souls are dependent on. Instead, they meet us with high expectations and rejection when we don’t play the role they’ve chosen for us.

They give us tasks we are destined to fail at, tasks that make us feel inadequate, less than, and that we disappoint others. Of course, to a young child, this is a horrible pain to endure, and our brain does what it always does best, trying to avoid the pain, the hurt by conditioning us to be anything else but ourselves, to seek validation and approvals from others, “I needed to fulfill other people expectations, other people feelings and desires are more important, nobody cares about me, I need to shut down, not to communicate, to shop or Netflix our feelings, to binge eat my feelings, I need to escape, it’s so familiar to be different not able to connect, no one understands me, in other words, to be everything else but myself because being myself is so hurtful, so painful.

All your life you felt the weight of expectations others have given you, and when you feel the weight of expectations that nobody can meet, guess what you also feel… disappointment, not good enough, not worthy, invisible. You disappoint everyone and then you disappoint yourself. What do you think that turns into?

I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t need to be this way. That burden and pain it’s not your truth. It doesn’t need to define you, to condition you anymore.

Exercise no. 1 - So I want you to think about who has ever made you feel inadequate, dig deep inside you, allow your mind to give you that answer, and who has given you jobs and tasks no kid should or is meant to do. I want you to look at it with fascination and ask yourself:

  1. How did it make me feel….

  2. I felt …….. and it also made me feel…….

  3. And whenever I recognize that familiar feeling of being ……. I have no other choice but to ……………………..

Understanding what shaped you to be how you are today is a powerful force that pushes you forward to break free. You can be free, you can feel adequate, enough, and deserving of love. This burden and pain you’ve been given as a young child, you didn’t ask for it, you don’t need it, and it’s time to give it away. You don’t need to believe in it anymore let alone carry it with you for decades. Decide today, whatever it is, you don’t want it, you never asked for it and so you are deciding to throw it away.

I want you to think how different it’s going to be now because what you look for you get more. If you look at how the same is going to be, that’s what you’ll see, so I write it down. I want you to revisit it every day before you go to sleep, and just when you wake up. and i want you to do this short relaxing exercise to embed those feelings, to program your mind to see how different it's going to be. All your life you've been looking and expecting how your life is going to be the same, it is nothing more but a muscle memory, something you have conditioned and trained yourself to do in order to survive the pain and disappointment but today, you're going to change all that. And you are going to build new muscle memory to feel and act differently.

Exercise no. 2 - Do this before going to sleep and waking up in the morning:

Close your eyes, and count down from 10 to 1. Keep your eyeballs around 20 degrees above your line of vision. With each count, feel yourself relaxing more and more, with each count feeling better and more relaxed than before. With each count you are relaxing one part of your body, starting from your head, feeling relaxed, you can even feel a little tingling sensation, however, you may feel it, but there's no right or wrong way to do it. You don't need to force anything, just relax all the tension from the top of your head. Moving down, step 9, relax your eyes, muscles in and around your eyes, your face, and your jaw everything is relaxed even better than before. Continuing the countdown, relax every part of your body, if there's more tension anywhere spend more time to completely relax it. Be aware of that part of the body, and just relax it more. With each count, you are going deeper, and deeper into your own awareness. On the count of 1, you are feeling completely relaxed, your entire body feels as if it's not yours at all. Right now you are at your center.

Right now I want you to picture a big screen in front of you, bigger than you, a huge white screen where you get to see how different your life is going to be. I want you to see your life unfolding differently. Look at it with fascination, and ask yourself this:

  1. What do you do differently this time?

  2. With all the changes happening in front of you, what's the feeling that you feel? Are you excited, proud, or happy? How does it influence your life right now?

  3. How are your heart, and your brain reacting to it, what's the first sensation that you get in your body, is it peace, calm, acceptance, or joy?

  4. How do people around you react? What's their reaction?

  5. How do you see yourself thinking, feeling, and acting moving forward?

See every aspect of your life, and how different it's going to be because now you understood what conditioned you in the past, you understood how and why you decided to be the way you are today. You have seen the connection from the first exercise. You've seen how it has influenced you and shaped you, and now when you know all this, you have the power to change it, to make better choices, and better decisions, you are choosing happiness. Take all these feelings in, take them in because these feelings are yours to take, these are your truth, this is what you are meant to be and how you are meant to feel all your life.

Now, gently, fold the screen up, release it to the universe, picture it whatever you like, and use any symbolism that you feel is right. Count yourself up from 1 to 5, feeling more awake, and more aware with every count you make, and on the count of 5, you are wide awake, feeling much better than before.

Let today be the beginning of your healing process and life without pain and suffering.

Let me know of your progress, I've worked with hundreds of people but every story is unique and special and I'd love to hear yours. Email me at - or book a free consultation call with me. Curious about RTT, Rapid Transformational Therapy, find out more here.

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